Last year my dad said the words to my mum that no one ever wants to hear.. “I don’t love you anymore”.  My parents have been married for 22 years, since they were 18 years old. I’m 21 just now and I think I’ve struggled with all of this more than my younger brother or sister have to be honest. People think that a parents separation is hard on the younger children but I completely disagree. Young kids tend to be “shielded” from the fights, the shouting and the bitterness. When you’re an adult child in this situation, you hear everything. They confide in you and they involve you in the fights and they want you to give them advice. Over the past year and a half, I have given both of my parents every piece of advice I can. I have researched temporary separation, the benefits of splitting, every thing possible and gave them all the advice possible. Somehow they listen but they don’t take it in. Dad said last year “lets do this, lets try and make our marriage work” and my mum was over the moon. She loves my dad. But he didn’t do it. He made no effort to solve their problems. Instead, he had an affair. I don’t know when it was or how it happened, I don’t want to know but the fact that it’s even happened disgusts me. It’s been heartbreaking to watch my mum get her heart broken twice from the man I respected so much. I’ve always been super close with my dad. He’s always been like my best friend. I have always had so much respect for him and wanted to be like him.. to achieve what he has achieved and one day I wanted to find a man who treated me like my dad treated my mum. I, one day, wanted the love that they had. Now it feels like every thing was a lie. I question every little thing, so I can’t even imagine how my mum feels just now. My younger brother and sister seem so calm and not really phased by it all. They are like “whatever. let them do what they want” I, however, just feel so upset about it constantly. I don’t want to be from a broken home & have to go and visit my parents in separate homes. I don’t want my mum to be with someone other than my dad and vice versa. It breaks my heart that the two people who love me so much don’t love each other anymore. I want them to be happy. But together.  I am still doing everything I can to help them and I’m still, a year later, an affair later, still trying to help them be together. I still have a tiny bit of hope that my dad is still the man we know he is. People keep on saying to me to stay strong and be there for my mum, brother and sister. But who is there for me? Why should I have to be the strong one? It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. It’s actually something I never thought I’d ever have to deal with. The only thing helping me through is by telling myself that although my dad has made a bad decision and a mistake, it doesn’t make him a bad person. I just hope it gets easier soon because I don’t know how much more of it  I can take. I have read all of the forums:  how to deal with parents split etc. Nothing seems to help.. I know I will forgive my dad but it’s going to take me a long time to forget it.   Any advice would be appreciated by you lovely readers.

Good night

-R x

 

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