The New Woman

I hope no one thinks my blogs are me just moaning about everything and anything… they sort of are, but this one is definitely necessary! It’s about my parents once again (mainly my dad really). I think the hardest part about parents separating isn’t them not being together, it’s when they start seeing other people and forming new “friendships” and relationships. I don’t know if I will ever be completely ok with my parents being with anyone other than each other. But I do know it is probably going to happen at some point.. I just didn’t think it would be so soon. My dad has recently decided, probably for the first time in years, that he is going to be honest with people. By people I mean my sister and I. He has dropped the bombshell that he is seeing someone new. His exact words were “getting to know her”. I’m not really surprised to be honest. He doesn’t really think of other people’s feelings before doing things but anyway…. I really want to be happy for him and obviously I want him to be happy but a huge part of me is really angry with him. I mean, yeah, I appreciate his honesty but it just feels too soon, for me to accept it anyway. During the time that he and my mum had their problems, they both kind of lost their way and lost who they actually were as individual people. They both, in my opinion, need time to figure out who they are as individual people again and not as a couple. Being together since they were only 17, they don’t really know anything else, other than being with each other. So instead of jumping into new relationships, they should, again in my opinion, perhaps, discover themselves, try new things, go to new places and focus on themselves and building up their relationships with their children again (as they really have pushed everyone away over the past 2 years). Now back to my dad and this new woman…. he has met her child.. that makes me uncomfortable. She knows who I am and who my brother and sister are. I’m not alright with that. It may sound so childish for a 22 year old but I don’t want someone new worming their way into my life and knowing things about me.. for example, wishing me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON FACEBOOK.. FACEBOOK! My mum will see that and I can’t imagine how that would make her feel. Some random woman sending me birthday wishes for everyone to see. No. That is not cool. My dad has been the main cause for our family splitting up, yes, I know, it takes two but he cheated. He broke everyone’s hearts. It may sound harsh, but he doesn’t deserve to be happy yet when everyone else is still hurting from what he has done. My mum has moved out from our family home, she is now living with my younger brother in a small flat in a rubbish area, just to make things easier for my dad, and she will continue to make things easier for him because she still loves him. Her whole live had changed, her world turned upside down and she is broken. I don’t know her anymore (I don’t know who my dad is either). He is doing the typical man thing and pushing people away.. pretending that everything is fine and as if nothing has happened. He is distancing himself from everyone. Including my mums family, who are, for some reason, still reaching out to my dad, still wanting him in their lives because that is the kind of people they are. Big-hearted, caring, amazing people and he is still pushing them further away. He should be grateful that they still want him to be part of their family, shouldn’t he?! Everything, right now, is all about my dad (as usual) and his new life. This new woman comes first. Before everything & everyone. And I’m not allowed to be angry about it?  Nah, that’s not right. Is it?   I really do want both my parents to be happy.. preferably together, but if they do end up being happy with other people then fair enough but it doesn’t mean I have to be ok with it, surely?  Maybe in a few years? but not yet.

 

Please share your own experiences & help me again with your great advice on this!

Thanks for reading & listening to my rambling once again!

-R x

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To wait or not to wait?

Have any of you ever suddenly realised something that changes your whole life forever? Well, that’s what happened to me last year & now I’m in a bit of a situation where I just don’t know what to do! I realised, last year that, my best friend of 8 years is the guy I want to be with & spend my life with. I thought I’d come here for some advice like I always do. (and it’s good to get these feelings out of my system!)

June 2016, I was chatting to my friend about finding a boyfriend and we got onto the subject of “friends with benefits”. I agreed with him that it would be an ideal set up. He suggested we try it. He has feelings for me when we were younger, but I always saw him as only a friend.. until now. I was shocked when he suggested it, because I really didn’t think he thought of me in that way at all! Nevertheless, I did agree to give it a go. We had kissed once (apparently! – I can’t remember! LOL) when we were around 14/15 years old. A small kiss is, however, slightly different from this arrangement!

As soon as we decided on it.. our relationship completely changed. We started speaking differently towards each other. Instead of general chit chat, we flirt. A lot.  It feels right. Things change. Feelings change as soon as you start sleeping with them. We have spoken about proper relationships, we did both agree that we weren’t bothered about getting into anything serious yet… that was a year ago. Back then, I didn’t want anything more but now I do. I want to be with him properly but he still wants to continue with the set up we have. I feel like if I don’t have him in my life like this, then I’ll lose him altogether.

Don’t get me wrong, I still talk to other guys. I don’t say no to other opportunities, just because of him. If I meet someone and I like them, I’ll go for it but I do have him on my mind. I do love him. But I’m not sure yet if I’m IN LOVE with him.. I think it’s because I am not sure what it feels like, as I don’t think I’ve ever actually properly been in love. He seems to only be able to confess his feelings for me and tell me he loves me when he’s under the influence of alcohol. Not sure if it’s drunk talk or the fact that he just gets the confidence to speak the truth when he’s had a drink?  But I do wish he could talk to me like that when he is sober!  Its quite stressful because for me, when something good/exciting happens, I want to tell him. When I’m upset or angry, I want to talk to him and for him to give me his advice (he’s sometimes good at giving that). Silly things, like, when I find a new tv show or movie, I want to tell him about it and for him to enjoy it like I do. Sometimes it’s like he doesn’t want to grow up and commit to anything. I say things to him like, “you’re almost 22, don’t you ever want to settle down?” NAHHH … he loves being able to be out with his friends for days on end and get drunk for the football (he’s a huge football fan). But he’s so intelligent and he can be so mature when he wants to be. I do wish that was more often!

He makes me feel so good about myself & so confident. (which I have never experienced before). He makes me laugh every day. I get butterflies when I see him and when I speak to him. I don’t know if these feelings are “love” or not. All I know is that I want him to say “lets do this properly now and stop messing around”. My best friend actually came up with the nickname Peter Pan for him, because she doesn’t think he will ever grow up. I hope, more than anything, that she’s wrong on this one, but she is usually right LOL. so I’m not holding my breath. Just hope.

So my question is – do I wait for him to decide that the wants a relationship (hoping that it would be with me!) or do I call it all off and potentially give up a relationship which could be life long and he could be “the one”. Do I risk telling him my true feelings for it to end everything? I’m not quite sure what I am going to do yet.

I’ll keep you guys updated!

Once again, thanks for reading … and pleeeeaseee, your advice on this one would be really helpful!

-R x

Being the adult child in a separation

Last year my dad said the words to my mum that no one ever wants to hear.. “I don’t love you anymore”.  My parents have been married for 22 years, since they were 18 years old. I’m 21 just now and I think I’ve struggled with all of this more than my younger brother or sister have to be honest. People think that a parents separation is hard on the younger children but I completely disagree. Young kids tend to be “shielded” from the fights, the shouting and the bitterness. When you’re an adult child in this situation, you hear everything. They confide in you and they involve you in the fights and they want you to give them advice. Over the past year and a half, I have given both of my parents every piece of advice I can. I have researched temporary separation, the benefits of splitting, every thing possible and gave them all the advice possible. Somehow they listen but they don’t take it in. Dad said last year “lets do this, lets try and make our marriage work” and my mum was over the moon. She loves my dad. But he didn’t do it. He made no effort to solve their problems. Instead, he had an affair. I don’t know when it was or how it happened, I don’t want to know but the fact that it’s even happened disgusts me. It’s been heartbreaking to watch my mum get her heart broken twice from the man I respected so much. I’ve always been super close with my dad. He’s always been like my best friend. I have always had so much respect for him and wanted to be like him.. to achieve what he has achieved and one day I wanted to find a man who treated me like my dad treated my mum. I, one day, wanted the love that they had. Now it feels like every thing was a lie. I question every little thing, so I can’t even imagine how my mum feels just now. My younger brother and sister seem so calm and not really phased by it all. They are like “whatever. let them do what they want” I, however, just feel so upset about it constantly. I don’t want to be from a broken home & have to go and visit my parents in separate homes. I don’t want my mum to be with someone other than my dad and vice versa. It breaks my heart that the two people who love me so much don’t love each other anymore. I want them to be happy. But together.  I am still doing everything I can to help them and I’m still, a year later, an affair later, still trying to help them be together. I still have a tiny bit of hope that my dad is still the man we know he is. People keep on saying to me to stay strong and be there for my mum, brother and sister. But who is there for me? Why should I have to be the strong one? It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. It’s actually something I never thought I’d ever have to deal with. The only thing helping me through is by telling myself that although my dad has made a bad decision and a mistake, it doesn’t make him a bad person. I just hope it gets easier soon because I don’t know how much more of it  I can take. I have read all of the forums:  how to deal with parents split etc. Nothing seems to help.. I know I will forgive my dad but it’s going to take me a long time to forget it.   Any advice would be appreciated by you lovely readers.

Good night

-R x

 

2wo Faced

Sometimes you have to do it. You might not WANT to but you HAVE to. Being “two-faced” in certain situations doesn’t make you a bitch or actually a two-faced person.. Does it? I don’t think it does but I guess that’s just my opinion because I’ve had to do it do much recently. I need your opinion on this one guys.

I like to think I am a pretty honest person, and kind to people who deserve my kindness but recently I’ve been really struggling to be the person I know I am. There’s this woman. She works where I work. She is ages with my parents but with the way she acts, you would think she’s in school. It started about 18 months ago.. maybe 2 years actually. This woman worked for the company around 16 years ago. She was now looking for a new job after having her child and our company welcomed her back with open arms. Big mistake! Within about 8 months of her starting work, she had had arguments with several members of staff and she was the main cause for one of the team quitting. Her best friend works with us too. She’s amazing: one of my closest friends at work. She couldn’t be more different compared to this woman. We have around 16 members of staff in our office. Out of these 16 people, she has had fall outs and/or arguments with 10 of them. And that’s not counting the other people in the company that don’t work in our office! Now, she hadn’t personally upset me up until the middle of 2016. She has genuinely ruined my life. People say that as a figure of speech but I mean it when I say it. Did I forget to mention that my dad also works along with us? Well yeah, he does and somehow doesn’t see the evil person that she is. I’m not going to go into it just now, that;s for another day! But basically, last year she was accused of having an affair with my dad (which I still think there is some truth to…… again…. for a future blog lol!) but I had to sit and let her scream in my face and apologise to her for the accusations. We then sorted it, kind of, and we are fine now… kind of! I HATE her. I have never hated anyone so much. My sister HATES her too. She has destroyed our family and she gets to live a happy life with her fiance and kid. I can’t see how that’s fair?  But I smile and pretend I like her for the good of everyone else, and for an easy life tbh. I smile to her face and when she’s not there, I talk about her behind her back. I openly admit to my friends that I hate her but I joke around with her, go on nights out.. and listen to this one.. I’m going on a weekend away with her (for the 2nd time this year). How horrible is that? Does this make me a vile person? As vile as she is? I’ve decided, no. It doesn’t. Sometimes you HAVE to do it. I  don’t know about everyone else but I KNOW I’m a good person and I’ve decided that I don’t care what people think about my decision to pretend to like her instead of confronting her and saying all of these things to her face. I have to work with this woman every day. She isn’t the type to let a grudge go. She’ll make your life hell. So I’ve decided, it might be selfish, but for ME and ME only, I’m going to be a bitch. I’ll be two-faced for as long as I can. Maybe one day it will all come out and everyone will see that she’s a homewrecker and a pathetic excuse for a woman but that day is not today, nor any day soon. That doesn’t make ME a horrible person. & if you need to do it. Do it. For you. Be selfish. Have the rant you need to have about the person you hate. But smile to their face and be their fake friend. This person doesn’t deserve my real friendship. I’m a better person. I don’t make a habit of it though. Apart from with her, if I don’t like someone, I’ll say I don’t like them. I won’t smile at them. I’ll not laugh with them. But with this one situation, I have to & I have decided not to feel bad about it anymore 🙂

Until next time,

-R x

Adults & “Adults”

SO, I’m not sure about you guys but MY parents certainly do this, and it’s unbelievably frustrating. They want you to be an “adult” but there seems to be a different set of “rules” for “real adults” like mums and dads than there is for us. I mean, at 21 years old, I class myself as an adult, of course. I’ll just jump straight to my point…. the main thing that annoys me is mobile phones. Sounds weird? How many of you have ever been out and you have your phone on silent or you simply just don’t hear it?! It becomes a huge issue, and your mum starts phoning your friend to try and get a hold of you and you end up with multiple missed calls and messages. As soon as I see that on my notifications, I panic, I think something is wrong. Then you phone her back and it’s something stupid like, “why didn’t you bring my washing in for me, it’s raining now” LOL   but before she says her random, unimportant thing that she phoned you 100 times for, she HAS to  have a moan at you — “WHAT’S THE POINT IN YOU HAVING A PHONE IF YOU NEVER ANSWER IT?! WHY IS IT ON SILENT?”  – oh and when I was younger and didn’t have my own mobile phone contract, the best one had to be : “THAT’S IT, I’M TAKING THE PHONE OFF YOU” or “I’M GETTING THE CONTRACT CUT OFF”. However, when a parent doesn’t answer their phone it’s a different story. I phoned my mum this morning at least 8 times (she was out at her friends last night and stayed over….. YES, she is the parent and I’m the 21 year old sitting in her pjs with her dog, cat and a cup of tea :  WILD I know! lol) but I was genuinely trying to get a hold of her for something important and her reply when I eventually got her?  MY PHONE WAS ON SILENT!   ON SILENT?!    I say to her, jokingly, “That’s it .. the phone is coming off you!” But I’m being serious. It’s annoying. What if something serious had happened? How can I get a hold of you? I think the morale behind this one is “don’t have your phone on silent” and MUM, that means you too.

On to the next thing that annoys me…. NAPPING… well not napping exactly…. the thing that actually annoys me is: Why am I never allowed to nap?! I love naps. They make me feel refreshed and ready to continue with the rest of my day. My parents make a big deal out of napping. It’s weird. I can come home from work and feel really tired, I can put on the tv and lie on the sofa and suddenly, I’m sleeping and an hour has passed! I’m then ready to get back up, go to the gym, make dinner, prepare lunches, tidy up… anything I need to do, I can do after a nap. Seems silly maybe but naps are great. But it’s like my parents don’t believe in naps or something?! …. Except when it’s them. OF COURSE! Mum and dad can also come home from work, feeling drained, they also lie on the sofa, put on the tv and fall asleep. But they don’t have anyone shouting at them to “go into bed if they’re tired”. Why is this? Why can parents nap and we can’t? Maybe it’s just my parents? I don’t know but I do know that I am going to keep on napping when I feel like it. LOL. No one will take my naps from me!

Blog number 2 complete. Another weight off my shoulders.

Good night folks,

-R x

The beginning

I decided to try blogging because my best friend suggest I should give it a go. She thinks I could be good at this sort of thing…Probably because I never shut up and don’t really have a filter before I say things…  I think she might be right. I have a lot to say. A lot of things that I think other people will relate to, and maybe even be able to help me through some of the difficult times with their stories and advice.

I’m at the age now where I need to start making decisions and being responsible. Yawn! I done well at school but I went straight into full time work. At the time, it was an admin job. SO boring! Over the past 4 years, I have progressed. I am now in a skilled job, with the same company still but a lot more thinking is involved now. But I’m still BORED! People expect so much from us. I’m bored and sick of getting nothing back for my hard work. Aren’t you?! Minimum wage, long hours and no time to ourselves? I’m 21 and my weekends are spent catching up on sleep that I haven’t managed to get during the week. I am worrying every payday that I won’t have enough money to last the month because I have commitments, like a car, and bills. How are people supposed to live comfortably on minimum wage? We have to somehow be able to eat, drink, be able to do things like go out and socialise, pay our bills and still have our luxuries. But some months, it’s near impossible. People who know me may be reading this thinking “you’ve just been on a holiday of a lifetime” or “you’ve just booked your 3rd holiday for this year” YES. I have. But to do this, I have had to get myself into debt, just to have something to look forward to. I love travelling and seeing new places with my best friends but it can be very difficult to do it and live your life comfortably on such low pay. It’s even worse when you apply for jobs and they don’t even bother to  reply to say “no” to you. That knocks my confidence. I am always trying to better myself and make things a bit easier but it’s not an easy thing to do. It’s hard.

Well I think I should stop for tonight. Wow! Can’t believe I have finally done my first blog. I don’t even know if I’ve done it right lol.  I know one thing.. I feel better after writing that!  🙂

Goodnight,

-R x